Insert Tab A into Slot B
by obsessedmom
Summary: Bella has hit the big 3-0 and is starting a new phase in her life. If I explain it all here you won't need to read...so- I promise 10 short chapters in 10 quick days. Come on and take a chance and I think you like how it all turns out! Please R x R
1. New Beginnings

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers owns all that is Twilight. I alas do not.**

**This story will all be from Bella's POV. I expect there to be ten short chapters and will be posting daily until complete. So, let's begin...**

**BPOV**

A House

No…a Home.

For the first time in my life I had a place I could call home that was my own. Not my mother's or my father's home. Not a rental that belonged to someone else. This was mine.

Signing all those forms to purchase my first home had been daunting but fulfilling at the same time.

For the first time I could really paint and decorate the way I wanted to. Not to please someone else or conform to certain rules. It was liberating. And a bit scary.

It was the right time. I held a steady job now for several years and had decided that I liked the area enough to make it a permanent home.

Permanent. What an odd word. I had been uprooted by others and self imposed but this was something new. I had spent most of my formative years living with my mom in Phoenix. I loved the heat and the open spaces and had never in my wildest imagination thought that I would live anywhere else. But shit happens.

My mom remarried and as much as I liked Phil his life plan really didn't mesh well with a step-child. Enough said. I decided to be the mature one in the family and declared that it was high time that I spend some quality time with my dad.

Now this was a big step for me particularly because I didn't have much of a relationship with Charlie to begin with. Now don't get my wrong I love my dad but how bound can you be with the person that you only spend a few weeks a year with? The other aspect of this change that worried me was Forks. Forks is what you would call off the beaten track. Small town. Zero excitement.

It's not like I was a social butterfly in Phoenix. I had a few good friends. But walking into a new school more than half way through my junior year would be awkward. People had their cliques and it is usually impossible to break into one of these groups. Fortunately my worries had been misplaced and they were welcoming. Maybe because I was an oddity. People usually left places like Forks and being the new girl made me interesting is some way.

Moving there I had expected zero excitement, well you know what they say about assumptions. I actually had my first boyfriend. As high school romances are somehow destined to be ours ended after barely six months. It was a cosmically weird relationship that I could never explain to anyone. They never would have believed me. I reacted to the breakup in typically teenage fashion with the notion that my life would never be complete without him and there was no way for my life to possibly continue. Teenage angst and drama was my forte.

Fortunately I had a couple of friends that despite my boorish behavior stood by me and I managed to pull myself from the doldrums I had created and had a reasonable end to my senior year of high school.

Thanks to a pushy school counselor I managed to get into UW with a partial scholarship. I moved out of Charlie's and into a dorm. My third move in fifteen months. Having to share a room for the first time in my life was…different.

Because I spent my senior year in such a stupor I had entered college as 'undeclared'. After spending an inordinate amount of time in the counseling center doing various assessments I decided that I would like to be a doctor and do emergency medicine. I had spent enough time in the ER growing up due to my klutzy ways and the way I always took care of others I felt that it would be a good fit for me.

After long discussions with Charlie, my mom, counselors, and the financial aid office I determined that UW was not the best place for me and I started looking into transferring to a university where I could smoothly transition into their medical program.

Charlie and I had gotten close with the short time I had lived with him but in some ways UW was too much like Forks High. I saw so many of the same faces on a regular basis and for some reason, _no-- one reason_, I needed a fresh start. A clean slate.

By some fluke I was accepted at Tufts University in Boston. And I was accepted to the medical program there as well. Even after my clinical rotation I still wanted to work in emergency medicine but when I looked for matches for my residency I looked to smaller hospitals. That's how I ended up in Concord, New Hampshire. Granted the city of Concord is more than twice the size of Forks, but that's not really saying much.

When I finished my residency I was asked to stay on and of course I accepted. Knowing that I now had a permanent job I made the decision to purchase a house. Actually it's nothing more than a small cottage but it suits my purposes and is completely adorable.

I had been able to move around my schedule so that I had three days off in a row and had been able to move in to my new home. I was opening the last of the boxes of my meager possessions and came across the journals I had kept throughout my teenage years. I flipped through a few of the journals skipping here and there over the entries. It had been more than ten years since I had written in a journal. Maybe it was time to restart that habit. I had enjoyed it, even at the worst of times. It was a way to release the emotions of the day. Some days in the ER were emotionally draining. As I put the books on a shelf I mulled over the possibility of picking up a new journal. Tomorrow I had to go back to work.

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**A/N **

**How many times have you moved?...**

**What do you think will happen now?... **

**I promise the next installment tomorrow so click on the story alert and leave me some love.**


	2. Coach Lock and the New Doc

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyers owns all that is Twilight. I alas do not.**

**As promised here is the second piece of the puzzle...**

**.**

.

After my three days off it was surprisingly good to be back at work. There was an easy camaraderie between all the staff.

There had been some excitement early in the day. An accident at a construction site brought us several patients. Nothing life threatening. Two guys were treated and sent home and one was being kept overnight for observation and would probably go home tomorrow.

I was just finishing my charting when in came a mother and daughter. The girl was cradling her arm close to her chest. After she was settled in an exam room I entered to see what had happened.

"Good afternoon, I'm Dr. Swan. What brings you here today?"

"I might have hurt my wrist."

"What's your name sweetie?" She looked to be about fifteen or sixteen and was dressed in her gym clothes.

"Amanda"

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"Well we were practicing our pyramid and I sorta fell off the top." I could see her mom grimace at her words.

"So you're a cheerleader?"

"Yes, and Coach Lock said I couldn't return to practice until I had a doctor's note saying it was okay."

"Then let me take a look and see how you are doing." After my initial exam I didn't think it was more than a bad sprain and told Amanda and her mom just that but I wanted an x-ray just to be absolutely sure. I sent them off to radiology and told them I would talk to them after that.

We may be a small hospital but that doesn't mean we don't have the latest in technology. Thirty minutes later I was able to bring up on my computer the digital images from Amanda's x-rays.

Back in the exam room I showed Amanda and her mother the images and assured them that it was not broken. I admonished her that she could not do any lifting and had to keep her feet on the ground for the next week. After wrapping her wrist snuggly with an ace bandage I sent her on her way with her doctor's note for her coach.

I was just about ready to leave at the end of my shift when I heard my name being paged to Dr. Williams' office. I wondered what the Chief of Staff wanted with me. It was kind of like being called into the principal's office. I couldn't imagine why he wanted to see me.

When I got to his door I knocked on the frame quietly when I saw he was on the phone and he waved me in and pointed to the chair across from him. I sat and waited silently feeling confused and anxious.

"Dr. Swan," he said as he hung up the phone. "Thanks for coming so quickly."

_I hope he gets to the point quickly._

"I've called you in because I have a favor to ask of you. As you well know we don't take on many residents but I have someone starting here tomorrow that I think will be a good fit for our hospital."

_Okay… why is he telling me this?_

"I know it is unusual but I would like for you to mentor this young man. I see a lot of potential in you and I think you would be good at this."

"You want me to supervise a resident?" I stammered out.

"Yes Bella. I have every confidence in you."

_Well after a statement like that I couldn't very well say no…so, _"Yes and thank you for the opportunity Dr. Williams."

"I will make sure that he has the same schedule as you. If you have any problems or questions please don't hesitate to come and talk with me." He stood and I did as well and we shook hands before I left his office.

I may have been floating on air because I don't remember my feet touching the ground once as I clocked out and left for home.

.

.

.

I arrived early at work excited by the prospect of sharing my knowledge with a new doctor. I was leaning against the counter at the nurses' station talking with Lana. Her eyes had gotten wide as she seemed to be looking past me.

"Excuse me, I am looking for Dr. Swan?"

_I knew that voice. I hadn't heard it in over ten years but it was just like yesterday._

Turning slowly and steadying myself against the counter I faced someone I never thought I would see again. "I'm Dr. Swan," I said as my voice nearly cracked.

Sticking his hand out to me I shook it once quickly as he said, "I am Dr. Masen, I have been assigned to you."

While keeping my eyes fixed upon _Dr. Masen_ I asked Lana, "Is exam room 3 open?"

"Sure, you can use it. I'll page you if any patients come in."

"Dr. Masen, please come with me." I had to maintain my dignity and not fall to pieces in front of the staff.

Once inside the room with the door securely closed behind me I looked at him and asked, "Masen? And what are you doing here?"

Thousands of questions were streaming through my mind but that was all I managed to verbalize.

"Let's sit." He gestured to the chair and he sat on the stool in front of me.

"I decided to go back to medical school and am using my given name. You showed me that I could be around people and I needed to focus on something. Carlisle had every confidence in me, so here I am."

"Is the whole family in Concord?"

Just me and Alice and Jasper. Carlisle and Esme are near Dartmouth and Rosalie and Emmett are on another honeymoon. I am not sure where they plan to settle down when they get back in a few months.

I sat there in stunned silence. My brain was having difficulty processing the information.

Edward looked exactly the same has he had twelve years previous. Although that was to be expected I wondered how much different I must look to him.

"Did you know I was here?"

"No, but I did know that you had gone to medical school and hoped that one day our paths might cross."

_What? Hold on a minute! He hoped our paths would cross? He left me! He abandoned me!_

"Edward, what kind of game are you playing?"

"No game Bella, you know we have to find ways to fill the time. I couldn't bear the thought of going to high school again. I thought this would be something I could do and be able to stay with for a longer time. The moving around gets tiresome."

I heard my name being paged. "Well _Dr. Masen_ it seems we have a patient. Let's go."

Fortunately for me it was a busy day in the ER and I was able to push the mystical to the back of my mind and concentrate on the patients needs instead of my own.

"Dr. Masen, could you come with me please. I'd like to discuss your first day." I had to maintain a façade of normalcy in front of Lana and the other staff.

I led Edward to an empty patient room and turned on him the moment the door clicked shut.

"So…?"

He just stood there.

"Do you intend to stay? Or are you going to run away again?"

"If you're not opposed to it I'd like to stay. I can't imagine any excuse I could give Dr. Williams."

He shrugged and gave me the same crooked smile. Some things never change.

**A/N**

**I have no personal knowledge of the world of medicine so please allow me some literary leeway...thanks.**

**Well there is the second piece of the puzzle... What did you think?**

**If you want the next piece of the puzzle leave me a review and choose the story alert!**


	3. A Visit With Old Friends

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers owns all that is Twilight. I alas do not.**

**Thanks to all that are reading. Here is the next piece of the puzzle...**

**BPOV**

_"Do you intend to stay? Or are you going to run away again?"_

_"If you're not opposed to it I'd like to stay. I can't imagine any excuse I could give Dr. Williams."_

_He shrugged and gave me the same crooked smile. Some things never change._

"Well I think we have a few things to talk about, but here is not the place."

"Would you mind coming to my house? I'm sure Alice and Jasper would love to see you."

Even in the short time I had known her, Alice had become like a sister to me. Although I liked Jasper his presence gave me pause.

"Does that make you nervous?"

"Can you read my mind now?"

"No," he said somewhat sadly. "But your furrowed brow gave you away."

"It's just… Jasper."

"No, he is doing so much better. He is actually teaching now."

"Wow!"

"How about I follow you home and then I drive us to the house?"

"Are you sure you'll be okay with me in the car?"

"I've been by your side all day Bella. I'll be fine."

We got in our cars. I watched him in my rearview mirror on the short drive to my home. He still was driving a shiny silver Volvo, just a newer model.

I surprised myself at how calmly I was handling this all. I guess I have grown and matured from that teenage girl. Bizarre as this all was I was curious.

Ever the gentleman Edward was waiting at the passenger door of his car even before I could turn off the ignition.

"Do you live far?"

"No, just outside of town. The house sits on ten acres of woodland. It gives us some privacy.

"How are Jasper and Alice? …and how did she not see this?"

"Well now that I think of it, she may have. The past few weeks, actually since I was matched with Concord Hospital, she has been thinking of music for her cheer squad whenever we are together."

"Cheer squad?" I interrupted.

"She is coaching the high school cheer squad," he said accompanied by an exaggerated eye roll.

"All that energy, yeah I can see that. Hey do her girls call her Coach Lock?"

"Yep, one time someone shortened her name and it stuck. She and Jasper are living as a married couple, Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock. We tell people I'm her cousin from California."

"You said Jasper is teaching?"

"At Boston College, Civil War and mid-century History. He has come a long way in the last dozen years."

"Hmmm…did he ever forgive himself?" We both knew what I was asking about.

"Yes and we all came to the realization, most belatedly, that the whole incident really wasn't his fault."

"How so?"

"Well as an empath he absorbs the emotions around him. Couple his reaction with the instantaneous blood lust of all the vampires in the room, it must have had an exponential affect on him."

"Honestly I never had any hard feelings about it. I can understand having a difficult time fighting your true nature."

A grimace passed across Edward's face so quickly. If I hadn't been looking I would have missed it entirely.

"Edward, do you want me to roll down the window for some fresh air?"

"No, I'm fine. Thank you though. We're nearly there."

Moments later he turned up a nearly hidden driveway. The setting is eerily familiar.

Rounding the last curve brought a wonderful home into view. Alice stood, no—bounced, on the wrap around porch. Excitement radiated from her. Jasper stood at her side. I wonder if he was trying to calm her? He at least was smiling.

Edward made his lightening speed dash around the car before I could reach the handle.

"Alice please," begged Edward. "Jasper can you calm her down?!"

"This is calm," Jasper laughed.

"Alice please," I gasped in her iron grasp. "Gotta breathe."

She loosened her hold but didn't let go. Now that I could breathe I hugged her back.

"I've missed you…" we said in unison.

Everyone laughed and we walked inside.

"This is beautiful," I exclaimed.

"Esme and I decorated it together," said Alice. "Bella are you hungry? Can I get you something to eat?"

"You have food?"

"I've been waiting almost a month for you to get here!"

"I knew there was something you were hiding with all those songs," Edward laughed.

I was surprised at his easy-going response.

It was strange sitting down to eat food with three vampires watching you with a look of mild disgust.

Stranger still was the ease with which we slid into easy conversation. All the Cullen 'kids' were tired of their recurring role as high school students and decided to follow other paths.

"Edward, how come you decided to go to medical school again and take the final steps to become a doctor?"

"Well it's because of you actually. I figured that if I could resist your blood then anyone else would be a breeze."

"This has been ….fun," I said after several hours of conversation and catching up. I wasn't quite sure that was the right word but it would have to do.

"Bella, would you like to come back on your next day off? Carlisle and Esme so want to see you." Alice gave me the puppy dog eyes and the pouty lip.

"How can I resist? Sure Alice. I'll let you know." Edward borrowed my cell phone and programmed each of their numbers into it. "Edward, it's getting late and I need to get some sleep so I can be ready to run my new resident ragged tomorrow." I bid Alice and Jasper good-bye and we were headed back to my home in no time.

It was quiet on the ride back and I appreciated that Edward didn't feel the need to chat. So much had happened in the past day and it was a lot to process and take in. My mind was a whirl of thoughts and emotions when we pulled up in front of my house.

"It's been an …_interesting_ day Edward," I said as I move to leave the car.

"Thank you Bella. I don't know if I could have been so diplomatic and well…kind… if I had been in your shoes today. I really appreciate this."

"I'll see you tomorrow and," I tried to look stern, "don't be late for work tomorrow."

I think I heard him chuckle as I shut the car door and walked into my house, my home.

**A/N: I know this was a _really_ short chapter but stick with me, more is coming tomorrow. I appreciate each and everyone of you!**

**Now something that's been bouncing around my brain... I know there are those of you who are 'Team Edward' or 'Team Jacob' but honestly Jasper has always done it for me. Have you read any stories that explored the empath idea more fully, if so please send them along to me. On that same line, I have always wondered why Jasper wasn't aware of Bella's pain during her change in _Breaking Dawn_. What do you think?**

**_Whose TEAM are you on?_**


	4. A Heart to Heart Talk

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers owns all that is Twilight. I alas do not.**

**I had hoped to get this posted earlier today but RL got in the way...but there is still an hour and a half left to today so... Let's continue with the next piece of the puzzle...**

**.**

Remarkably I slept well. I hadn't expected to but although I wasn't physically tired I was mentally exhausted and had fallen into a deep dreamless sleep. Or if I had dreamed I didn't remember them on waking.

The shock of yesterday had worn off and I was left with thousands of questions racing through my head. I knew I had to help Edward maintain his human façade. Is it my responsibility? Yes, No … do I want to, do I not want to? Aargh!

The nerves I felt were not just because I would be working with my vampire ex-boyfriend but I had been entrusted with a resident. I doubted he needed any training _per se_ so I could only hope that the time would go smoothly -- OH SHIT – I was going to be spending at least the next three years joined at the hip to Edward Cullen, no Dr. Edward Masen. I hoped I wouldn't slip up and call him by the wrong name.

A tapping on my car window jerked me from my thoughts and face-to-face with a smiling Edward. He still sported that crooked grin that had always made me weak in the knees.

I climbed out of my car locking it behind me. "Ready for work _Dr._ Masen?"

"I just hope my supervisor doesn't run me ragged." He threw my words back at me. The irony being that he would never be tired.

I realized I liked this playful side of Edward. For so long the image I had kept locked up inside of me was of those painful last days with his sullenness and moroseness. I had put all the emotions that I associated with the time I had know Edward tucked away in a box and shoved up on a high shelf where I couldn't reach them. Maybe it was time to open that box or maybe just throw it away and start over fresh.

I took a look at Edward's eyes. They were a pale butterscotch color. This would be my 'tell' to know if things were getting to be too much for him to handle.

Granted this wasn't his first experience in a hospital but it surely would be a different experience. And different for me too. I couldn't fail Dr. Williams. I couldn't blow a wonderful opportunity like this. I wasn't sure if this was better or worse than getting an inexperienced newbie resident but I was going to find out.

Our day was progressing well with a steady stream of patients all with relatively minor complaints.

Edward and I were sitting at the nurse's station completing charts for the patients we had seen so far today.

"So Dr. Masen," Lana said, "how do you like Concord?"

He looked at her doing that dazzling thing I remembered. I am sure he didn't mean to.

"I think I am really going to like it here."

"Aren't you going to miss sunny California?"

"No, I actually like it here and I'm not much of a _sun_ person."

"Lana, Dr. Masen and I are going to the cafeteria to grab some lunch. Page me if you need us." I turned towards Edward, "Let's go!"

We walked in silence to the elevator to get to the cafeteria.

"Thank you."

I turned to stare at Edward. "You're welcome, I guess. What are you thanking me for?"

"For helping with the illusion."

"Oh."

"Having someone who knows me will make this easier."

We were alone in the elevator and I could ask, "Did you hunt this morning?"

"Yes, Alice, Jasper, and I went to White Mountain National Forest after I got back last night."

The elevator doors pinged open and I led the way to the cafeteria.

"Will you get something?" I asked quirking an eyebrow.

"Of course."

We grabbed trays, food, paid and found a table in a quiet corner.

"So."

"So."

"I can't believe you are being so calm."

"I can't believe I'm not freaking out. I _was_ a complete and utter mess when you left me…"

I glanced up at Edward and he had an awful grimace on his face.

"I was 18 Edward, what did you expect? … for me to skip around joyfully that the most exceptional thing in my life was suddenly gone?" I was incredulous.

I paused and gulped down some of my soda.

I plunged on, it felt cathartic to finally vent. "Yes I was a mess, but a couple of friends stuck by me and I got back to my life… eventually."

I looked at him, his gaping mouth snapped shut and his eyes darkened with anger. He still hadn't said anything.

"Calm down," I whispered. "Don't be angry with me."

"Angry at you?" he hissed. "I am furious at myself!"

"Well there's no point in feeling bad now. Life moves on and so did I." I said the words not truly knowing if I meant them or not.

"We've been gone too long," I said as I stood to throw away my uneaten lunch. Edward followed silently in my wake. I was glad he still couldn't hear my thoughts. They were a jumbled mess. Although, I did wonder what _he_ was thinking.

As we boarded the elevator I checked his eyes. They were closer to the light color they were this morning and I felt some of the tension and anxiety leave my body.

"Edward, would you like to come to my house after work… so we can talk…privately?"

"Thank you, yes."

The remainder of the day passed smoothly and before I knew it I was saying my good-byes and walking out the door with Edward at my side.

Now that I was headed home I was questioning myself. Should I have asked him over? Was this a mistake? Could I behave like an adult? What did he want from me? What did he expect to happen now?

So many questions that I had no answers for. I glanced in my rearview mirror and saw him behind me. I was sure he wanted to go faster, but that's just too damn bad.

My emotions were all over the map. Happy, sad, excited, nervous, thankfully I had learned long ago to wear a calm mask. Staying hidden had been the easier path.

What path was I going to take now? I most certainly didn't want to put at risk all that I had accomplished.

All too soon we were parked and walking towards my front door.

Yesterday had been kept fun and light, like old friends catching up. Very strange.

Edward followed me into my kitchen and watched as I prepared myself dinner.

As I ate we talked about our day at work and some of the patients. When I was finished and had cleaned up the kitchen we went to sit in the living room. We sat at opposite ends of the couch facing each other. I had been stalling but now I just couldn't sit here in silence. I had, after all, invited him here to talk.

"So Bella," Edward said, breaking the silence, "What did you want to talk about?"

"Yesterday you said you are staying. Did you mean that? What do you expect from me? Do you or Alice for that matter see our relationship being any more than supervisor/resident? What are _you_ thinking Edward?

"Yes. Nothing. I don't know. Many things."

"That was… succinct." I waited. "You've done that before and I nearly walked out on you."

"Yes. I always wondered… if you had really left that night how different things might be now. That and had you planned to walk all the way back to Forks?"

"I have been told I am too inquisitive for my own good. I can't leave a mystery or puzzle unsolved. I would have figured you out eventually."

"Hmmm."

"So you will be staying?"

"Yes, I want to if you don't object."

"No, I don't. But you must have some expectations from me, this situation, working together."

"I did want to work somewhere where I wasn't under Carlisle's constant watch. I wanted, no I needed my independence. If I am to really going to follow this path I need to do it on my own. Although I must say that being here with you as my supervisor has eased some of the anxiety I was harboring."

"You didn't answer the question, what do you expect from me?"

"Well you must know I have the knowledge and the technical skills but I really need to work on my people skills…talking with patients and their families… working with a team…That's where I need your help. I have caught you looking at my eyes these past two days. You are using that as a barometer of my _need_ aren't you?"

"Yep." I relaxed back into the arm of the couch and curled my feet beneath me. I felt that he was being honest with me for perhaps the first time. "Does that bother you?"

"No, not really. I do want to let you know that I plan on hunting nightly just to be on the safe side. I spoke with Carlisle about this and he said it would be helpful in the beginning. That's what I did throughout my rotations too and I didn't have any problems."

"That's very _mature_ of you. What changed?"

"I realized after I left you that I had a lot of growing up to do. I had to find a balance in my life."

"When I looked back on that time I realized in some ways you treated me like a child and you were the adult…. Or maybe it was the controlling nature… we were never equals although I suppose we never could have been…"

"You've thought a lot about this."

"Yes… I had to put myself back together after you left. It took a lot but I eventually did. And I had to do it mostly by myself. It's not like I could have talked to a therapist about any of what had happened those seven months. I would have been locked up in the loony bin. Therapy doesn't work when you can't be honest."

"True."

"I guess I need to know if you will be able to respect me and my authority especially at the hospital."

"Bella let me assure you that I will do my utmost to be respectful of you at work and outside of work too. I hope there is some way that we can build a new friendship. I meant it when I said I had grown up in these past years. I hope you will give me a chance to show you."

"We'll see. I think you best go now so I can get some sleep." I led Edward to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, good-night Edward."

"Good-night Bella," he said as he backed down my front steps. "Sleep well."

**A/N **

**Tell me... What other questions should Bella have asked?**

**Tell me... Tell me Now!**


	5. Boyfriends of the Past

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyers owns everything Twilight. I alas do not.**

**BPOV**

I found over the next few weeks that we fell into a good work relationship. Professional yet friendly. On several occasions Edward's mind reading abilities came in handy when patients weren't forthcoming about what really brought them to the Emergency Room.

A week and a half after Edward started we had a day off. It was mid-week so Alice and Jasper couldn't join us when we drove to Hanover. The drive from Concord to Hanover took less than an hour. The winding roads were making me nauseous so Edward acquiesced and drove near the speed limit. We passed by Dartmouth and continued north outside the city limits until we turned into a nearly obscured driveway. After nearly a mile of twists and turns we came to a clearing in front of a Frank Lloyd Wright inspired home. A porch ran the length of the front of the house that was mostly windows. The front door opened as Edward led me to the steps. Out stepped Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle's arm was wrapped around Esme's waist. She sported a huge smile and I couldn't help but return it. Esme had been nothing less than wonderful to me in the short time I had known the Cullens. It felt like a homecoming of sorts as I was wrapped in the cool embrace of Esme's arms.

With her arm around me she led me into their home. It shared many of the same qualities as the house in Forks. Bright wide open spaces, light colors, comfortable and comforting.

I had a hard time understanding myself. How could I now be so at ease coming to the home of vampires? I could still recall the first time I had met Esme.

"Look at you! You're even more beautiful than I remember," Esme gushed.

I felt that telltale blush rise to my cheeks. I hadn't heard a compliment like that in… in well forever. I was curvier now, nothing like the hourglass perfection of Rosalie, but I suppose more womanly. No longer a girl. I actually used some light make-up now too.

We sat and talked catching up on the intervening years. Carlisle quizzed me about my time at Tufts, asking about my classes and training. I confessed that he was part of the reason I had chosen emergency medicine as my specialty. Who would have thought that the girl who fainted at the smell of blood could become a doctor?

"I like that I get to see such a wide variety of cases," I told him.

"How is Edward doing?" he wanted to know.

"Remarkably well. His years of knowledge are useful and I see his hands-on skills improving. The learning curve is as much for me as for Edward. I finished my residency not that long ago. I was shocked when Dr. Williams asked me to do this."

"Bella feel free to call me if you have concerns on how to proceed supervising a stubborn obstinate resident," he said with a grin

I grinned back, catching Edward glaring at Carlisle. They seemed to be having one of their silent conversations.

I had eaten a salad earlier that Esme had picked up for me in Hanover but my stomach gave out a loud embarrassing rumble alerting them to my human needs.

"I think that's my cue to take you home," said Edward.

I got up and hugged them each good-bye in turn and promised to visit again.

As we wound down the long driveway Edward asked, "Would you like to stop in Hanover? Otherwise it will be at least an hour until we are back in Concord."

rumble… rumble… I looked up sheepishly. "A drive-thru in Hanover would be great."

Fifteen minutes later we were stopped in front of a quaint diner. "Here?"

"It's always busy so I assume the food is good. Let's get you fed."

It was good old fashioned comfort food. I had a wonderful chicken noodle soup, a plate of baked macaroni and cheese with a side of steamed vegetables. Edward ordered something that he just pushed around his plate.

"Bella, wake up, you're home."

"I'm sorry I fell asleep on you." I hadn't even realized that I was tired.

"No problem. It was entertaining."

"I'm still talking in my sleep?" Cue the deep blush. "What did I say?"

"You mumbled a few things about work… and I heard Carlisle's name... and mine."

"On that happy note I think I'll say good night. See you in the morning." As I turned to walk the few steps to my front door I heard the car window buzz down behind me.

"Good night Bella, sleep well."

.

.

.

Fall turned nasty and icy as we crept towards winter.

I found myself rereading my journals from so long ago and looking at the events with a more mature viewpoint. If you remove the vampire aspect, I really had been quite the lovesick teenager mooning over an unattainable boy. Without the mythical, or not so mythical, parts it was really just a story of a heartbroken girl who took an inordinate amount of time to pull herself back together. Would it have been the same if I had been deeply in love with Tyler Crowley (yuck) and his family moved away unexpectedly? Or he said he stopped loving me? maybe… probably… Edward's unique situation did probably make it worse but as I reflected back I could only roll my eyes at myself.

I had picked up several new journals the last time I was in Manchester. I decided that it was as good a time as any to start writing again. The time I spent writing or just staring at the blank pages forced me into introspection and evaluate what I was doing and thinking.

And thinking…

I had made a point to start accepting invitations extended to me. I had gone to baby showers and bar-b-ques with my colleagues. I had even driven back to Boston for a couple of alumni events. Mostly I stuck with group activities but I had been on a few dates. Recently I had gone on several dates with Dr. Holmes from radiology. We always had a pleasant time, he was gracious and charming, but I never felt that spark of lust or desire with him.

I wondered if Edward had tainted my ability to form a healthy relationship with a man?

I pulled out one of the new journals. Seeing Edward again had brought to the forefront that exact issue and I needed to look deeper.

The remainder of high school after Edward left I was such a mess few people wanted much to do with me. I had spent quite a bit of time with my dad's friend's son Jacob. That relationship was more of a protective big brother more than anything else. There were times that now, looking back, I can see that maybe he had more than a brotherly interest in me but I was never on that same page. Mostly I just moved through senior year in a zombie-like haze.

My freshman year at UW I shared a dorm room with Andrea. Her outgoing nature reminded me a lot of Alice. Whenever I couldn't come up with a decent excuse she would drag me off to different events. She tried to get me to Rush with her but that was not for me. I did get dragged to several group activities and parties. I smiled, I participated, and I began to rejoin the human race.

In English Composition my second semester the professor teamed me up with Gerald (never Gerry) as editing partners. This would be a portion of our grade so fortunately Gerald and I were both determined to fulfill this requirement. Evenings in the library stretched into long coffee breaks and later dinners out. He was always sweet to me. That relationship was… what is that baseball metaphor…? Firmly stuck at first base with the occasional attempt to slide into second. Sweet, but lacking in the passion or desire department.

After my transfer to Tufts I took it as the opportune time to remake myself somewhat. I put myself out there, made friends and tried to date in those rare free moments of medical school.

Senior year before the rigors of medical school started I found William (Not Bill, not Will) and I shared most of the same classes. He drove a shiny silver Audi and we would go hiking in the nearby forests on our days off or if the weather wasn't suitable we would browse through one of the many museums Boston had to offer.

The first year of medical school I fell, literally, into the lap of Richard (not Rick and definitely not Dick, although his was quite nice) when I tripped over my own two feet. He had the uncanny ability to always show up when I needed rescuing. His golden-brown eyed drew me in like pools of liquid sunshine. Richard made me melt, and built a heat within me that he was more than willing to quench.

After Richard came (he did often and so did I) was Robert (never Rob or Bob). We met over a cadaver second year. Not the most auspicious and definitely not a romantic introduction but we seemed to fit well together. His chiseled features and well muscled body of his tall and lean figure were wonderful to behold. I relished weaving my hands through his silken auburn strands as our bodies became one.

Third year of medical school brought rotations with its long days and longer nights. Brutal schedules left me with little time for much more than sleep.

Now that I am recording this all in a journal an obvious pattern has emerged. Each of my relationships possessed a piece of Edward (surely never Ed or Eddie). I had thought that I had let him go but my subconscious must have been searching for him.

Good Lord! Here I am at thirty years old still pining for my first love. Unfortunately now I am thirteen years older than him. Am I too young to be labeled a cougar? I am aren't I? I had not thought of Edward in that capacity in all these months we had been working together.

God I am pathetic! All these reflections and introspection is hurting my head. I close my journal and go to bed.

**A/N**

**Have you ever pined after a former love or an unrequited love?**


	6. Icy Road Ahead

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers owns all that is Twilight. I alas do not. **

**BPOV**

It had been three weeks now on the day shift so it was time to rotate to evenings. This was the busiest shift. People coming in after work with complaints they should have gone to their regular doctor for but wouldn't take the time off of work. Then there were the victims of bar fights and auto accidents. The night shift would be the big challenge for Edward. He must have had bloody victims during his rotations so I wasn't too concerned, but I couldn't help but remember when he skipped out on blood typing in biology. This willl be interesting. Fortunately I had outgrown my propensity for fainting at the sight or smell of blood. That would have been a real career stopper.

The third night on the evening shift it happened. A four car pile-up on Highway 93. It had been sleeting, an icy rain, all day and I was sure that the roads must have been covered with black ice. Our emergency band radio was crackling out sporadic details. Two of the most serious victims were being life flighted out to a trauma center in Manchester. We were to expect six people with various injuries. In my eyes this would be a huge test for Edward.

I pulled him aside. "Are you ready for this?" I watched him, now it was my turn to decipher his thoughts. "This will be the first time for you here. I need to know that I can depend on you. You may have to work on your own but don't be afraid to ask for help."

"Bella, I'll be fine." His golden gaze and relaxed posture spoke volumes. I was glad to see him this way, maybe he was ready. The last thing I needed was a crazed vampire. I knew that wasn't him, but the situation made me cautious.

Five minutes later the ambulance bay doors burst open as our patients arrived. Several open fractures, scalp lacerations, a heart attack, and a premature labor and five hours later the last of the patients were either in surgery or had been moved to a room.

I collapsed in a chair behind the nurse's station with a 'huff'. "When will people learn to slow down or stay home in this weather," I moaned.

Edward walked up to the station with two cups of coffee, "Ladies." He handed Lana and I each a cup before leaning on the counter. "Would it be okay if I go and clean up now?"

I looked him over. His clothes were splattered with the blood of the accident victims. His eyes although darker were still flecked with deep gold. "Yeah, go ahead and then we can go over charts together."

Forty minutes later..."So Edward, how was it?" We talked about the patients and then moved on to his reactions and responses to everything. I had observed him during the trauma when I could and he had stayed calm and collected. "You did a great job. You should be proud of yourself."

"It was good. Thanks for having confidence in me and letting me work-up and treat the patients on my own. If it had been Carlisle instead of you I think he would have been at my side the whole time."

"He just worries and he cares so much about you."

"I know. Sometimes it's just smothering." His comment surprised me, he had never had anything but kind words for Carlisle.

Fortunately the rest of the shift was relatively calm. The worst was an infant the parents brought in with a raging ear infection.

After the next shift relieved us we walked out to our cars.

"Good night Lana."

"Night Bella, see you tomorrow."

"Good night Edward."

"Good night Bella, sleep well."

Navigating the icy roads home I kept a white knuckle grip on the steering wheel. I was relieved to fall into bed after a long hot shower.

That night my dreams were strange and disjointed. At first I was outside in the icy rain. I don't know where I was. Later in my dreams I was driving over slick roads when my car began to spin on the ice I bolted awake. It had not been a restful sleep, at all!

The dreams continued nightly. Some aspect of each included ice and cold temperatures. At first I thought the dreams were brought on by the changing weather. But the dreams continued for weeks. I couldn't understand it. I began to notice a lingering chill in my bedroom that I did not feel elsewhere in the house. I had a repairman come and check the heating system of the house. Everything checked out okay so I just added an extra quilt.

.

.

.

Weeks stretched in to months and in some ways I was disappointed. Dr. Williams had given me this wonderful opportunity and I had hoped to grow and learn from the experience, but it felt empty. On the bright side I was confident my resident would not make me look bad in any way. BUT… what happens the next time I am assigned a resident, someone not so self-assured and skilled? I could drive myself nuts going in circles on the subject.

Winter had passed uneventfully. I had hoped to have spent a quiet Christmas in my new home but Alice had made it impossible. She had insisted that I come with them to Carlisle and Esme's home. You don't refuse an insistent Alice.

I had never spent a Christmas with the Cullens as they had left Forks before my first Christmas back living with Charlie. I had no idea what to expect when we arrived at the house.

Walking into the house had been like entering into a magical fantastical winter wonderland. Not one surface was undecorated. A ten foot tall tree stood to the left of the fireplace. Lights, ribbons, and ornaments nearly obscured the pine tree beneath the lavish decorations. Everywhere I looked something grabbed my attention. This even would have put Martha Stewart to shame.

Normally, and this was anything but normal, I would have baked cookies or a pie to bring with me but that would have been ridiculous. Any worries I had about the day quickly disappeared.

Emmett and Rosalie had come home for Christmas. As much as Emmett made the day fun, Rosalie was still aloof.

Fortunately they had agreed not to exchange gifts since the lingering reminder of my fateful eighteenth birthday … no one wanted a repeat performance.

Instead we had a snowman building contest with Esme as the judge. This was followed by a raucous snowball fight and even though I had dressed for the weather I was left drenched. Afterwards, Esme lent me a pair of yoga pants and a soft cable knit sweater while she threw my clothes in the dryer.

Carlisle had built a roaring fire and Alice plied me with brandy laced hot chocolate. Edward surprised me when he sat down at the piano and played carols and we all sang along. Later we all sat back and listened as he played Handel's Messiah.

At the end of the day I was glad that Alice had pushed me to come.

Edward drove me home giving me plenty of time to change and take a short nap before going in for the late shift at the hospital.

**A/N**

**What plans do you have to celebrate this holiday season?**

**Does it snow where you live?**


	7. Deceiving Alice

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all that is Twilight. I alas do not.**

**I am so glad you all are enjoying the story. Here is the seventh piece to the puzzle.....**

**BPOV**

Winter was turning into Spring. The piles of snow and slush had melted away. The previously bare trees were showing signs of new growth. The days were getting longer and warmer.

I drew back the blackout curtains that kept the sun at bay while I slept during the day. The bright rays of the afternoon sun warmed me as I rubbed my arms to chase away the goosebumps I seemed to have most mornings...eeer, well afternoon or whenever it was my day began.

March had come in like a lion and it seemed it would go out like the proverbial lamb. That thought stirred some long forgotten memory. It niggled at the back of my brain as I tried to recall why that idiom seemed to bother and tease me. I found it irritating that I could not recall the reason.

Edward, Alice, Jasper, and I had fallen into a routine of spending time together when Edward and I had a Saturday or Sunday off. Weekdays I would try to plan something with friends from work if they had the same schedule.

Breaking my routine, I picked up my cell and made an unexpected call.

"Bella? Is everything okay?" Alice chirped in an anxious and tremulous voice. I had managed to surprise her.

Before I could calm her…

"Yes Bella I would love to go shopping in Boston today. Can I pick you up in thirty minutes? Wait…yes thirty minutes will be just right."

"Fine Alice and thanks. I'll see you in thirty."

I made sure to keep my thoughts on shopping while I got ready for Alice's arrival.

Twenty-nine minutes later I was locking my front door as Alice pulled up in her sporty red Panoz Esperante (I asked).

I climbed in to a puzzled looking Alice.

"Spill!"

"What?" I replied, trying to sound innocent.

"You're hiding something, I don't know how or why, but you are hiding something!"

"Alice, I really need some new shoes for work and I'd also like to get a new pair of running shoes."

"You may need new shoes and I am more than happy to drive down to Boston to get you new shoes BUT that is not why you called ME," Alice said in a huff while glaring at me.

I gave in, "There's more."

She just gave me a pointed look and waited for me to continue.

"Well…ermmmm…" I know what I wanted to say but I just couldn't get the words out.

"It's okay Bella, take your time. Why don't you start at the beginning?"

"I guess it goes back to when I was moving into my house and having you all back in my life, Edward in particular."

I told her about my journals from high school. I told her about writing in a journal again and reflecting back on the men I had dated in college and medical school and beyond.

I told her of my realization that each man bore some of Edward's physical or personality traits. Or just plainly, at least now, reminded me of him.

I asked her, "Have you ever heard the expression 'to work something out of your system'?"

I looked at her and she nodded with a slight smirk on her lips.

"Oh God, you know what I am going to ask!" I was mortified.

"No, but I can see the result, ask away!"

I could see the giggles she was holding in, making her shake. I started with, "Edward's control seems to be quite good."

"Yes, and…."

"Do you think that control would be the same in any situation?"

"I do. Why?"

"I want him to do something he claimed not to be able to do."

"Yes?"

"So I want him to do something… with me… and then I can just move on, put it behind me, get on with my life…"

"Was there one thing in particular?"

"Yes," I said with a huge sigh, slumping down in my seat. She was going to make me say it, say it out loud.

If I couldn't say it, how could I do it? "I want him to fuck me!" I said forcefully.

I had given up my V-card a long time ago. I just knew I needed this so I could stop putting any man I was interested in and _not_ compare him to Edward, consciously or not. I was sure that if I actually did this rather than speculate that I could put that fantasy behind me and get a real life.

"Do you think Edward would agree to this?"

"I can't be certain, but I think so."

"I do have some questions, but I would rather ask Carlisle than Edward."

I really hadn't been paying attention to the drive. When we slowed I realized had been driving west rather than southeast and we were pulling into Dartmouth and Alice looked quite smug.

"His office hours start in forty minutes. Let's grab you some lunch and then I will take you to see him."

Alice found a parking spot in the visitor's lot and she walked me to a food court. I picked at my food and didn't eat much more than Alice before we headed off to the medical school offices.

"Girls, what a pleasant surprise. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Bella, call me when you're done here," and Alice disappeared out the door, closing it behind her.

I repeated most of the conversation I had had with Alice.

"So how can I help you?"

"Well… this is embarrassing… I have some… errr… anatomy questions."

"Go ahead, you can ask me anything."

I don't even know if I can get him to agree to this… aargh!"

"I know he can be difficult but I am also sure that you can sway him."

"Okay then. First of all, is it possible for me to get pregnant?"

"Quite probably, although that is not something I have investigated."

"Alright… next I wanted to know, will it be venomous?"

"Most definitely."

"Will a condom be able to contain it?"

"I can honestly say that is not something I've tested," he said with a light chuckle. "I think if you get Edward to agree to this he should also be willing to test the efficacy of available products."

"Maybe I am asking too much…"

"I just don't know if you do pursue this, whether you will have the results you desire," he said, his voice only full of concern.

"I guess I need to think about this some more and how I would approach him about… helping me. Can you please not think about this discussion around Edward? I'd really appreciate it."

"Not a problem. Let me know if there is any way I can be of help."

"Thanks, I better call Alice."

"Actually she's just arrived and is waiting in the hall."

Back in the car—"Do you still want to go shopping?" Alice asked me.

"Can we do it another day? I have got a lot to think about."

Remarkably Alice kept silent as she drove me home. As she pulled up in driveway in front of my house I pulled myself from my reverie. As I got out of the car I turned back, "Alice, thanks for everything today. I hope you'll be able to keep this between just us."

"Of course, I wouldn't want to betray your trust. Call me if you need anything."

"Bye Alice, I'll talk to you soon."

She drove away leaving me to my thoughts. I knew if I was truly going to do this I would need to act soon. It wouldn't be fair to make Alice of Carlisle keep this from Edward.

**A/N**

**Only three more chapters left...**

**Should she go through with her plan?**

**Do you agree with Carlisle and Alice and think he would agree to her plan?**


	8. Please Say Yes

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all that is Twilight. I alas do not.**

**Thanks to all who are reading. Please answer the questions at the end. I love knowing what's on your mind.**

**So...on with the next piece of the puzzle.**

**BPOV**

The next day at work as Edward and I walked back to the ER after our dinner break I asked, "Edward, if you're not busy after work would you mind stopping by my house? I've got a project that I could really use your help with."

"Sure, not a problem. What did you need done?"

_Me…mememememe…_

"It is kind of hard to explain. How about I tell you when you get there?" I tried to keep my tone light. Hopefully I contained the anxiety that I was feeling. I notice a furrow in Edward's brow but he didn't push the subject further.

Later during the short drive home I gave myself a pep talk. I didn't need to convince _myself _to try to get Edward to agree, I wanted this. I could only hope that he would be agreeable to my plan.

Once we were comfortably situated on the couch in my living room I began.

"Edward, am I still your singer?"

"Yes…," his voice trailed off. Confusion was written plainly on his face.

"So you still… desire me?"

"Yes"

"My body…? Or my blood?"

"Both."

"Why haven't you…"

"I know after we had that discussion after that first day when I arrived at the hospital that I had to back off, that you weren't available to me that way. I really wanted to still have you as a friend, especially since we would be working so closely together."

"Edward, have you ever heard the expression 'to do something to get it out of your system?' "

"Yes." He still hadn't guessed where I was going with this discussion.

"So this is where I need your help."

"Anything Bella."

"Well I hope you'll be this agreeable after I tell you what I want from you."

"Just say it Bella!" he practically shouted in his frustration with me.

"Let me give you some background first." I continued on once again relaying my sad history with men. "Can I be blunt Edward?"

"Of course."

"I need to fuck you out of my system so I can move on. Put the silly school girl fantasies behind me and make a life for myself."

I finally raised my eyes to meet Edward's and found him speechless with his jaw dropped open. I'm not sure if it was in surprise or disgust. He appeared to be frozen. Could vampires go into shock?

"Edward… Edward…?" I shook his arm trying to break him from his stupor.

I didn't know if he could hear me but I continued, "Edward I've seen you demonstrate such wonderful restraint and such a gentle touch. I know it's possible. If I wasn't confident I wouldn't have asked you for this Edward. ...Edward?"

Slowly he began to take unnecessary breaths. His eyes blinked.

"I hope that I have not offended your 19th century morals. That was not my intent. Edward… please say something, anything.. yes, no, 1.772…"

"You truly aren't afraid of me?" he trembled out.

"I've never been afraid of you. You may have hurt me emotionally in the past, but I know that you would never physically hurt me. Please I need to move past this idea of you that has fermented in my head and my heart all these years. Won't you do this for me please?" I sucked in air as I had forgotten to breathe and then held it in anticipation of his reply.

When I could hold it no longer, I slowly released the air from my lungs.

He sat there stock still although I could sense that he was thinking and analyzing all that I had said. His breathing pattern had returned to normal, at least human normal. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and pointer finger of his right hand and would release his grip to run a hand through his hair. This pattern repeated over and over until I thought I might go insane.

I snaked my hand out to place it softly on his knee, not wanting to startle him. I wanted to recapture his gaze. I wanted him to see the truth of my words in my eyes.

His eyes met mine, "Yes," came his soft reply.

It took all the restraint I had not to jump up and do a happy dance. As calmly as I could I told Edward of my concerns about pregnancy. Granted I was on the pill, but who knows the tenacity of vampire sperm? He begrudgingly agreed to test out condoms only due to his fear of his venom and the chance that he could possibly, inadvertently, change me. As much as this had once been my most fervent desire this was no longer the case. I did want a normal life. At least as normal as my mixed-up life could be.

We mutually decided to wait until the next time we had two days off back-to-back so we (really me) wouldn't feel the pressure of time.

As I walked him to the door he turned suddenly and pulled me into a fierce hug, nuzzling his face into my hair. I could hear soft murmurs against my neck but couldn't discern the actual words until he released his hold on me, "Good night Bella, sleep well."

That night, I wasn't cold, I didn't have any strange dreams, I awoke rested and warm in my bed the next day looking forward to what was to come (so to speak).

Anxious, breathless, curious, desirous, expectant, fretful, gaga, hyper, impatient, jittery, keen, lively, mercurial, nervous, obsessed, peaceful, quiet, restless, settled, thrilled, unglued, vehement, wired, yearning, [e]xasperated, and zealous. I was spinning through emotions from a to z as I waited for my/our days off. I could only hope for the results I desired, that I could get over Edward Cullen [Masen]. If not, I was doomed.

At first the days dragged by as if time were standing still. Suddenly without realizing it the days had spun past and tomorrow would be the day.

It seemed odd to be scheduling something that should be a spontaneous act, like an appointment for root canal. Although I _was _expecting to get drilled.

I couldn't help keep the smile off my face.

**A/N**

**Only two more pieces to the puzzle.**

**Are you surprised by Edward agreeing to Bella's plan?**

**Do you think it can work?**

**Or is she doomed?**

**Tell me,**

**Tell me now.**


	9. Dire Consequences

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all that is Twilight. I alas do not.**

**BPOV**

"You're looking quite happy today," Lana observed. "Big plans for your day off tomorrow?"

"Just looking forward to a quiet day. It seems like it's been forever to have two days off in a row."

Edward was standing behind Lana with a smile I assumed mirrored my own. His golden eyes had me dazzled.

After our shift ended we walked out to our cars. "Would you like to come over now?"

"Actually I think it's best if I hunt first. How about I come over in a few hours?"

"You're right Edward, that's probably best. Could you call me later to let me know you're on your way?"

When my phone rang two hours later I felt like I would explode out of my skin. I was so anxious for this moment that had been more than a dozen years in the making. I felt as if I were sitting on pins and needles. After the call I began to pace around the room, straightening things that were perfectly straight.

As I heard the purring of his engine shut off in my driveway I found myself standing in the open doorway. I watched his fluid movements as he got out of the car and approached me. The full moon glinted off his face. I couldn't believe that this was actually going to happen.

I ushered him inside silently. I think he may be as nervous as I am.

He stopped and turned to face me when we reached the middle of the living room. Both of us were frozen in the moment.

"Well…" our voices were a chorus.

"Would it be okay if I took charge here? Seeing as I am the more experienced one?" I tried not to smirk. You see, I was hemming and hawing stalling for time … even though I had been waiting so long. Strange how the mind works but shuts down when you need it most.

"That might be best."

I dragged him over to the couch.

No time like the present. Gotta jump in with both feet.

_Stop with the idioms Isabella and get on with it I chastised myself._

I pushed down on his shoulders to get him to sit and I climbed on his lap straddling his hips.

"Don't move," I whispered.

We were nearly nose to nose, sitting on his lap had removed our height differences, just one more step on equalizing the playing field. He had always been afraid of hurting me so I was going to take over the reins, this was my show and I would take the lead. _Enough with the stupid idioms!_

I lowered my lips to his letting them graze back and forth over his. Slowly I wound my fingers into his hair and more firmly planted my lips on his. I loved the silky texture of his disheveled mop of hair. Slowly I could feel his lips begin to respond to mine. He was holding back. "Touch me Edward," I rasped out softly. His hands which had been clenched into fists at his side relaxed. He brought one hand to the back of my neck lacing his fingers through my hair and massaging my scalp. His other hand found a gap between the hem of my shirt and the waist of my slacks and rubbed soothing circles on my lower back. His hands may have been cold but it set me afire.

_Slow but steady wins the race. Shit Bella now you are citing Aesop's fables?! _

_Just take this one step at a time. Alex I'll take Proverbs for $500._

I broke the kiss to catch my breath, slow my racing heart, and hopefully quiet my mind.

As he watched my every movement I brought my hands to the top button of my blouse and popped open the button. His hands were once again clenched at his sides and before I continued with the buttons I took his hands in mine and coaxed them to relax before placing them firmly on my ass. I held my hands over his making sure that he would leave them there. I showed him that it was okay, even good if he would knead and press, he didn't have to remain a statue, he needed to be a full participant. I would be his guide.

I continued opening the remaining buttons but left my shirt closed. I sensed that he wasn't quite ready for me to expose myself to him like that.

Next I went to work on the buttons of his shirt. When I had opened the last button he released his hold on my bottom so I could remove his shirt. Unfortunately he was also wearing a t-shirt underneath his button down. Of his own accord, he had returned his hands to my bottom and continued gently massaging.

It took every ounce of fortitude I possessed not to rock back and forth on his erection. I could feel it straining and pressing against my heated center.

_Breathe Bella... breathe._

Instead, I took the time to feel the contours of his chest and shoulders through the thin fabric of his shirt. Finally I reached for the hem of his tee and crept my hands higher gathering the material at my wrists as I moved upwards. When I could move no further he released his grasp on me and let me pull the offending garment over his head.

I stared at his chest bringing my hands up to stroke the firm planes. He reminded my of the statue of the Greek god Apollo I had seen at the Getty Museum. Apollo, the Greek god of light and the sun, of medicine and healing, music and the arts-- Edward.

He watched intently as I caressed and explored each square inch of his exposed skin. I explored not only with my hands but with feather-light kisses where I could easily reach. When he had not taken the initiative to remove my blouse I let it slide from my shoulders to drop to the floor. I sat, still straddling his lap, now clad only in my slacks and a lacy blue demi-cup bra. My erratic breaths exagerating the rise and fall of my chest.

Tentatively, I went to unclasp my bra but he stopped me saying, "Wait please, just give me a moment."

As we sat there in stillness I watched his eyes which had darkened considerably since his arrival lighten back to a deep golden. I realized belatedly that he had stopped breathing at some point and was now once again taking small shallow breaths. I needed to pay more attention but I was getting so wrapped up in the feeling of his body beneath mine and the feel of his hands upon my body.

It was all other worldly but I needed to keep my attention focused as a wandering mind could have dire consequences.

**A/N**

**One more piece of the puzzle to go...**

**Dire consequences?**

**Or delicious consequences?**


	10. Midnight Blue

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all that is Twilight. I alas do not.**

**A/N I want to send a big thank you out to joayla, GetDrunkOnVictory, Melee03, and Self-Rescuing Princess for sticking with the story and all their lovely reviews.**

**So here is the last piece of the puzzle... Enjoy!**

**BPOV**

_...he stopped me saying, "Wait please, just give me a moment."_

A nod of his head told me he was ready to continue so I reached to unclasp my bra for a second time. Once again he made me pause, "Wait," was he going to stop this again? "Let me," he whispered.

Tenderly he reached behind me and unclasped my bra, yet leaving it in place. He brought his hands to my shoulders and lowered the straps. Since my arms were tucked close to my sides the bra remained in place. One small motion on my part and I would bare myself to him. His golden eyes met mine and with a slight nod gave his assent and I let the bra drop down. We were both now bare above the waist. His trembling hands rose to my breasts. Tenderly he stroked me, seemingly captivated with the feel of my skin and the weight of my breasts. He cradled me in his hands, and used his thumbs to explore my nipples and finding my reactions to his caresses. I arched my back bringing my chest closer to his. Without any prompting on my part his took one breast and lowered his face to take it in his mouth. At first he suckled me and it was extremely erotic. The pull and release of his mouth was followed by a swirling of his tongue and light tugging with his lips drawn over his teeth. His hand and mouth switched sides to repeat the action. It was taking all my will power not to squirm on his lap seeking the friction my aching sex searched for.

When I felt as if I might ignite from him ministrations I leaned back halting his actions.

"Have I done something wrong?" he spluttered drawing his hands back to his sides.

"No Edward, you were doing everything right. I just thought it would be a good time to move to somewhere more comfortable," I said between gasps as I sought to regain my breath.

Shakily I stood from his lap and held out my hand to take his. We joined hands and I lifted him from the couch. Maybe he was feeling as weak kneed as I. He seized a small package I hadn't noticed earlier as we moved out of the living room. I tugged him along down the short hallway leading to my bedroom.

I directed Edward to sit in the center of my bed leaning against the padded headboard. I resumed my position on his lap and relaxed onto his chest. His arms made a protective cocoon around me. In my impatience I found myself starting to grind slowly against Edward's erection which pressed into me through the layers of clothing that separated us.

"Edward… are you ready to continue?" I whispered.

I felt his nod from where his face was buried in my hair at my shoulder.

I pulled away and reached down between us to undo the belt he wore. Did he wear so much on purpose to slow things down? Next the button on his jeans and then I slowly lowered the zipper. I crawled off his lap and tapped his side to get him to lift his hips so I could remove his jeans. Once his jeans were on the floor I removed my slacks. We were bare except for his boxer briefs and my lacy cheekies.

A small giggle escaped my lips, "We match," I said pointing to our remaining scrap of clothing. We were both wearing midnight blue.

I climbed back on the bed and laid atop him. So little separated us. I had turned the heat up in the house and the warmth flowing from the vents counteracted the coolness of his skin. That and the flush of heat from my arousal kept me warm. We began again to explore each other's body reverently.

I felt as if I might orgasm just from his touch alone, and he wasn't even touching me _there_, and that was not how I wanted this to happen. Another time, but not now.

I needed him in me. I needed to feel every inch of his erection plunge deep within me. The pleasure of him sliding smoothly in and out, slowly increasing his pace and depth. I couldn't hold back my need for him any longer.

I began to tug down his boxers and spoke softly, "I have been waiting so long for this Edward."

"Not as long as I, I have been waiting for you for a hundred years," he moaned in a hushed voice as he pushed my panties down my legs.

In a tangle of arms and legs that last scrap of material disappeared.

I straddled him once more and grabbed him by the wrists raising his arms, "Lay back Edward and put your hands behind your head as if you were laying in your meadow." I wanted to retain my control and thought this was the best place for his hands so he couldn't accidentally crush me in his grip.

"Condom?" I asked, and he eyes looked to the box he had set on my night table.

I wanted to tease him about bringing the whole box, what was he expecting? But now was not the time for teasing so I pulled one package from the box and carefully tore open the pouch and place the condom at the tip of his erection rolling it down his length. I could see the strain on his face as he tried not to buck in my hands.

I lifted my hips and lowered myself down his massive shaft. Slowly I sunk down until he was fully seated within me. I thought I might crumple, faint, or break down in tears, as the emotions of this moment coursed through me. I was joined with Edward in the most intimate possible way. I needed a moment to collect myself before I started to rise and fall. Over and over I repeated the motion and gradually he joined in with the rise and fall of his hips. Our speed increased and my climax began to overwhelm me. I couldn't hold back much longer.

"Edward? Are you ready? Come with me… come with me now!"

An explosion rocked my body and I shook with the tremors of my orgasm. Below me I felt Edward shake and strain and thrusting twice more before I felt him spill icily in my womb. All this time he had managed to keep his hands behind his head.

Now as I collapsed upon his chest I asked, "Wrap you arms around me and hold me please." His embrace was tender and loving. He rocked me gently while my heart still raced.

I had never experienced an orgasm like that before. I had always needed some external stimulation; tweaking my nipple or pinching my clit to climax. And never before had it felt like this, it was off the charts.

My grand plan for fucking Edward Cullen out my system had failed.

I truly was doomed!

**A/N**

**This is**

**always where**

**I saw the story ending**

**but it is up to you the readers**

**to let me know if you want to see this**

**relationship continue. If you want it to continue ****then**

**leave me a review and tell me your fondest desires for Bella and Edward.**

**Go --- **

**Do It! ---**

**Do It Now!**


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